The production company that produced this pointless piece of nothing (Full Moon) seemingly had quite a thing for making movies about toys that come to life and kill people (they also made the Puppet Master series and the unfortunate Puppet Master Vs Demonic Toys). It is hard to see why this particular horror niche would be such a draw to the filmmakers as it certainly isn’t to the audience.

One of the main problems in the concept of killer toys is the seemingly obvious fact that toys are well, small while people…people are pretty big. This very basic size discrepancy severely undermines the threat posed by toys, demonic or otherwise and they should really think themselves very lucky that they manage to harm anybody at all.

Over the course of the film the cheeky little buggers get to unconvincingly murder the grand total of two people (there was a third but he was dying from being gutshot anyway so doesn’t really count). Their method of attack seems to be to gang up on the unsuspecting human and then attack with their various weapons – teeth, knives or laser guns- and hope that the victim stands still long enough to acquire enough minor wounds to kill them.

It is clear that Demonic Toys was never meant to be anything more than a cheap gore film, the problem is that it fails at even this seemingly modest task. The gore is tame and uninteresting, there are a few face munchings and a couple of stabbings but nothing of any real interest. The special effects are all pretty terrible too with the toys themselves looking as convincing as the puppet sidekick to a children’s television presenter. The script is similarly cheap and vacuous with characters having virtually nothing to do but wait around to die. It is mildly surprising that David S. Goyer (writer of Batman Begins, the Blade series and the forthcoming Ghost Rider) was responsible for this script but according to the man himself he was only given about 8 days to write it so the subsequent results are actually fairly impressive. The story does at least make sense and the central struggle between the demon responsible for the carnage and his unborn potential victim is a neat idea which would have benefited from a good deal more exploration.

The concept design for the toys is not entirely awful, the toys do have distinct characters and personalities. The razor toothed clown jack in the box thing proves to be a memorable little critter with its constant maniacal laugh and creepy tail/tentacle appendage. The “Baby Oops-a-daisy” toy on the other hand tries too hard to be funny with its constant wisecracks which only serve to irritate.

Demonic Toys is not a truly awful film and even has a certain kitsch appeal. It is by no means a good film though, even judged by the very meagre standards it sets itself. There is entertainment to be had here in a retro camp kind of way but very little beyond that.

5/10

Review By Matt Compton