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Monsters, demons, ghouls, murderers, ghosts, zombies, killers, over-sized animals, vampires, lunatics, mutants, madmen

SPOILER WARNING!!
All entries in the TBDB are likely to carry spoliers so if you ain't seen the movie they relate to don't read 'em!

 
 

KATIE'S DEMON

AKA:

The directors mate with a mirror and some string.

Was a bastard in:

Paranormal Activity (2009)

So who the hell is he?

Listen up it’s a demon, not a ghost, ghosts are pussies, this demon is evil it wants to keep you awake all night by doing really bad shit like making funny noises and slamming doors and putting things in the attic and leaving footprints. Alright, I saw it three days ago and I’m still too scared to leave the cinema because Katie’s still out there, somewhere. I’m writing this on my phone, why oh why isn’t there an app for exorcising demons.

mrs ganush

.

 

Why, for the love of God, Why??!!?

It’s totally random, ask Katie if you see her, but don’t mention Micah.

That’s not a knife…

Well it is actually, plus a bit of demonic force and some string.

So what’s the damage?

One boyfriend (no great loss he was a twat) possibly stabbed, definitely thrown across the bedroom. One childhood home (no great loss it was obviously a white trash shack) burnt to the ground by unknown forces (or a carelessly dropped crack pipe). One tripod, (no great loss it was too cheap for that awesome camera) and it was never going to survive a flying boyfriend.

It’s a million to one chance but it might just work…

Actually no, no chance at all. Exorcisms only piss it off and of the only two people in the whole world that can help you, one has mysteriously gone on holiday and the other one can’t fucking act (or is too scared or something). Furthermore you sold it to Spielberg, he wants to change the ending, that ending is getting changed despite not fitting with the simplistic, minimal style of the rest of the film.  

Words of wisdom:

Get rid of the ouija board, the camera and dump the whining white trash bitch, she’s fucking trouble

 

By Roger Armstrong

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