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SPOILER WARNING!!
All entries in the TBDB are likely to carry spoliers so if you ain't seen the movie they relate to don't read 'em!

UNNAMED SURGEON

Written By Roger Armstrong

AKA:

Shigeo Ôsako

Was a bastard in:

Grotesque.

So what the Hell is he?...

A genuinely scary, totally emotionless, Japanese guy who likes dismembering young couples, in what is either his specially equipped basement or shed. He’s possibly a surgeon, he knows his way around the human anatomy, he treats the wounds he inflicts on people. Unnamed Surgeon (I’m calling him that, no, don’t like it? what do you want? the credits were in fucking Japanese and there’s jack shit on IMDB) has a B.O. problem, although he doesn’t realise it. Most notably and unusually for a Japanese guy Unnamed Surgeon shows no emotion at all even when he’s angry, unless he’s coming in his pants.

That’s not a knife…

Well it is actually. But as he’s (probably) a surgeon, scalpels and a medical skewery type thing get a run out, and a chainsaw and six inch nails (that’s why I personally think they’re in his shed) and some scissors and some other stuff I forgot about. Unusually for a horror film, he also patches up his victims as he’s going along, because make no mistake he is a complete bastard and want’s to prolong the agony for his victims and come in his pants again.

Why, for the love of God why?!!?!

So he can come in his pants. And why not? This is a hard hitting, hyper realistic, unglamourised Japanese film and you want a reason for this understated, cold, genuinely disturbing insanity. Well if you insist, there’s some vague shit about sexual gratification, people with a spark of life fighting to stay alive make Unnamed Surgeon come in his pants and these two victims earn a special place in his heart and pants.

So what’s the damage?

17 (approx) fingers, one arm, one eye, two sexual assaults, two nipples (not included in the sexual assaults), one cock (not included in the sexual assaults), four six inch nails in the bollocks (not included in the sexual assaults), cutting your own intestines with scissors, three squirting orgasms (one of which is not included in the sexual assaults), I say squirting but as takes place in Unnamed Surgeons pants, there’s no real way to tell.

It’s a million to one chance but it might just work…

It’s not a million to one chance, it’s no fucking chance at all, it’s too fucking realistic and downbeat for that. Alright, it’s not right at the end, Grotesque seems to be making some sort of Michael Haneke type point, but without being pious and preachy or a cunt. But, I don’t want to ruin the ending for the majority of people who aren’t associates with a particularly sick video shop manager, who puts your own seemingly limitless knowledge of gore films to shame, and seems to get every nasty mean spirited piece of shit going and says he has a snuff film but won’t lend it to you.

Words of wisdom

I haven’t got it anymore so can’t refer to the film for the exact line, but there was something like “I’m going wank/finger you until you come for no real reason then to do particularly horrific things to your body for no real reason and if whilst doing those things you make me come in my pants, I’ll let you go.” or something.

By Roger Armstrong

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