The Total Bastard Database

The greatest killers, madmen, monsters and maniacs in horror movie history.

SPOILER WARNING!!

All entries in the TBDB are likely to carry spoliers so if you ain't seen the movie they relate to don't read 'em!

JASON VOORHEES

AKA:
All manner of people have played ol’ hockey
mask head but the fan favourite and winner
of the Played Jason the Most Times award
is Kane Hodder.

Was a bastard in:
Friday the Thirteenth 1 – 10 (X), Freddy Vs
Jason.

So who the Hell is he?...
Jason is of course the ludicrously tenacious
machete murderer from Crystal Lake made
famous in the Friday the Thirteenth series.
He is most well known as the zombified
maggot headed maniac that has appeared
in the majority of the films but in the earlier
films he wasn’t the unstoppable force of evil
he evolved into. He didn’t even wear that
iconic hockey mask until the third film in the
series.

His back-story is pretty tenuous (see below) but that hasn’t stopped him becoming probably the best-known movie monster of
them all.

That’s not a knife…
It is actually. Jason loves his machete and though he’s happy to use other things (lots of other things) for all that murder, he is happiest when swinging away with that big old jungle knife.

Why, for the love of God why?!!?!
Well, apparently it’s because he drowned as a child when the camp counsellors (that’s counsellors from a summer camp not counsellors who have a fondness for home design, fashion and the music of Judy Garland) who were supposed to be taking care of him went off for some sex instead. After that his mother got all uppity about the whole pre-marital sex issue and, taking it a little too far in my opinion, killed everybody. Of course this sort of behaviour tends to not go down to well with most folk and she ended up getting her noggin chopped off. This in turn mightily displeased Jason. So much so in fact that despite being dead, he got himself all riled up about the same issues of his (more permanently dead) mother and has been killing people ever since. Especially if they are topless women.

So what’s the damage?
According to Jason experts it’s 146 fatalities. This actually makes him the highest ranking movie serial killer there is, so kudos there then. His crowning moment however has to be in Jason X when he beats one female camper to death by using her friend in a sleeping bag as a kind of Jason-version of a brick in a sock.

It’s a million to one chance but it might just work…
All manner of things have been done to Mister Voorhees but he keeps coming back. Apparently (according to the later films) this is something to do with some bizarre regenerative ability he’s got but that’s pretty weak to be fair. Not that it matters of course.

He has however been drowned, stabbed with machetes, blown up, shot, set on fire, electrocuted, sent to Hell, corroded by toxic waste, chopped up by a boat propeller, and fallen through the Earth’s atmosphere from space.

Words of wisdom
Pretty much just a few mumbles here though he did say a couple of words when his spirit possessed somebody. Does that count? Nah, thought not.

By Matt Compton

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