The Total Bastard Database

The greatest killers, madmen, monsters and maniacs in horror movie history.

SPOILER WARNING!!

All entries in the TBDB are likely to carry spoliers so if you ain't seen the movie they relate to don't read 'em!

MRS GANUSH

AKA:

Lorna Raver

Was a bastard in:

Drag Me to Hell (2009)

So who the Hell is she?...

The word crone could have been invented to describe Mrs Ganush. Old, withered, toothless and blind in one eye, she may not be the most fearsome horror villain but she is certainly one of the ugliest.

She is an old Romanian woman who like many of her nationality (if horror films are to be

trusted and I can't think of a single reason why they wouldn't be) is in possession of strange powers. These powers not only consist of eating candy in the most revolting way possible but also the ability to curse others with the powerful evil Lamia demon.

That second power is probably a little more impressive than the first actually but I digress...

The Lamia demon once sic'd upon whoever has upset Ganush today then torments them and haunts them for three days before turning up in person, opening a big fiery hole and literally dragging the poor bastard off to Hell. Quite why and how Mrs Ganush is able to get this powerful ancient demon to be her personal hired goon is a bit of a mystery but you know what these gypsy folk are like... Tsk.

Obviously the skanky old witch has a few tricks of her own however as despite the traditionally inconvenient problem of being dead is still able to make a few appearances and do some good old fashioned haunting herself.

That’s not a knife…

Though she leaves the real heavy stuff down to her oddly obliging demon buddy she doesn't mind getting her hands dirty too. Especially when she is forcing said hand down the throat of a poor young woman. Though that was in her ghosty form and so doesn't count as much.

Why, for the love of God why?!!?!

Mrs Ganush is a woman with a great deal of pride. She also has an incredibly disproportianate grasp of what constitutes a fair punishment. It is both of these reasons which lead to her cursing the poor young loan officer who won't giver her a third extension on her mortgage with an eternity in hell.

You can't help thinking that's a little unfair, what does she do if somebody cuts in line at the supermarket? Ask God to murder their children with plague? Persuade Buddha to come round and beat up their wife? And if she has so much sway with immeasurably powerful forces beyond human comprehension or imagination why can't she pay her fucking rent?

It's a million to one chance but it might just work...

She might look quite frail but you don't want to get into a ruck with this old bag. You can knock out her teeth, stab her in the back of the throat with a metal ruler and she'll still come back and give your chin a good suck.

Even when she's dead she causes trouble in that most terrifying of ghostly forms, the handkerchief.

Words of wisdom:

“You have shamed me...” - Defintely not something you want to be doing to this old hag.

By Matt Compton

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